Jack Ryan's Journey: Flashback Friday: One Teaspoon

When Jack left the NICU, he came home with all of the same medications, O2 support, tubes, monitors and care that he required in the NICU...without the help of skilled nurses and doctors. As the days...weeks...and months have passed, we have slowly shed many of these special needs for Jack. But, one thing that hasn’t been shed is Jack’s special nutritional needs. So much of our lives, since Jack was born, has focused on feeding and weight gain for him. It can be overwhelming and frustrating, especially with a little boy whose weight gain is minimal and slow. But, we hit a feeding milestone this past weekend when we ran out of Jack’s special formula and he drank his last bottle! I know, he’s almost 3 and shouldn’t still be getting a bottle. But, he has been getting a night-time bottle for awhile now, even after we cut out all day-time bottles, in hopes of getting in just a few extra calories before bed (without affecting his daytime food and drink intake). Luckily for me, it wasn’t a planned milestone, so I didn’t have time to overthink it. But it was a little bittersweet. For the past 2.5 years, we have done all we can to ensure Jack’s nutritional needs have been met, sometimes to the point of physical and mental exhaustion, along with a few tears. Okay, many tears (on my part, not Jack’s). Jack took the transition like a champ, as he has done with most transitions. It somehow felt wrong to purposely cut out calories for someone who burns them so quickly, but I know he’ll be fine. And I only let myself get a little nostalgic about the very first time Jack took a bottle for me.

Jack's first bottle, 3 months after his early arrival (10.25.10).

He only drank about 5ml or about 1 teaspoon. But that 1 teaspoon made me feel most like a mother since Jack’s birth, 11 weeks prior. I never expected to wait almost 3 months to feed my little boy. Don’t get me wrong. I had been pumping for months, but all that precious milk was fed to Jack through tubes in his nose or mouth. There’s something so innate and natural, being able to nourish your child and meet his nutritional needs. So, you can tell by the grin on my face, how delighted I was to be able to feed him with a more typical method. We had a long, slow road ahead of us concerning feeding, but this day will always remain one of my happiest, most "mamma" memories from the NICU.